You Are Beautiful
Since stepping into writing The Ford Institute’s newsletter just over a year ago, I have come to realize that I never have to want for topics. The Universe is always very generous in supporting me in knowing what I am meant to write because it gives me an abundance of clues, always pointing me in the direction of a certain topic or word. I am always grateful for the guidance and generally I listen without doubt. However this past week, when I found myself going to great lengths to avoid looking at a recently taken photograph of myself that my mother said I looked so beautiful in, I got a nudge from the Universe to talk about “beauty.” Just as I tried to ignore the picture, I tried to ignore the subject of “beauty,” fearing that people would view me or the issue as superficial or frivolous (both of which I readily admit to being) . Yet this past weekend while visiting New York City and attending the new Broadway play Beautiful: The Carole King Musical, I knew I was meant to write about this topic.
Growing up, I, like most people my age, especially females, listened to the music of Carole King. Although I knew every line of every song on her Grammy-award-winning album, “Tapestry,” I knew nothing about her personal story. Watching the play this past weekend, I was taken by how many best-selling songs she wrote and, more than that, how incredibly kind, humble and moral she was. The play also explored her insecurity around her physical beauty, how it kept her behind the piano creating songs for others instead of claiming center stage herself.
Recently, Oscar-winning actress Lupita Nyong’o talked about “the seduction of inadequacy” when she spoke about beauty at the Seventh Annual Essence – Black Women in Hollywood event. A video of her speech quickly went viral on the internet. She too spoke about the self-hatred she had about the shade of her skin and how unbeautiful she felt. Many people struggle with their relationship to beauty. We either beat ourselves up because we do not meet the criteria for physical beauty set by society and the media or we have conflict in terms of knowing that it “should be” what is on the inside that counts yet realizing that people do judge what they see on the outside. Sometimes we beat ourselves up for even caring when there are so many other “important” things in life to think about.”
In her book Courage, when defining “The Code of Supreme Beauty,” Debbie Ford explains that, “Everyone has different positive qualities that they have difficulty embracing and that they believe they don’t actually possess.” However…”There is nothing you can see or desire in the outer world—no quality, characteristic, or trait—that you are not.” Since “we are a constellation of everything“, to deny any part of ourselves, to focus on the “negative,” or to always look for what is wrong is truly an act of self-hate. It is time to put down the bat and turn the self-loathing into self-love. “It is time to recognize your gifts and talents, to appreciate all that you do well, ” for “there is nothing more beautiful than a person standing in their own power, courage and confidence.” In Courage, Debbie redefines our need to pay attention to our external appearance, not so we can fit into societal norms or to get external validation but as an act of self-love. She writes, “To feel confident you must look the part. You must reflect the value and esteem in which you hold yourself. It is time to take back your power – not for the approval of others, but for how you feel inside.”
Debbie always professed that we teach the world how to treat us and that we must take responsibility for the message we are sending out. “You are always communicating something about who you are and your belief in your own value. If you do not find the courage to embody your message on every level of your being, you will not reach the hearts that are willing to be touched by you.” It is up to all of us to become our own source of approval and to own our beauty and compassion. We must, as a sign of self-love, honor ourselves by reflecting what we feel inside in our outer appearance and demeanor. As Carole sang and I know Debbie and Lupita would join in harmony:
“You’ve got to get up every morning with a smile on you face and show the world all of the love in your heart. Then people gonna treat you better, you’re gonna find, yes you will . That you’re beautiful as you feel.”
Transformational Action Steps
1. Turn your words of self-hate to those of self-love by making a list every night for a week of self-loving words or phrases you want to say to yourself.
2. After you write the list, read it out loud to yourself, stopping to really breathe and take in every word or phrase. (If you really want to challenge yourself, read the list to yourself while looking in the mirror.)
3. Start a practice of affirmative acts of self- love by each day asking yourself, “What is an act of self-love I can do for myself today?”
4. Make a list of all the beautiful things about you, inside and out!
5. Journal about your definition of “beauty” and how you see you can re-frame or broaden that definition based on the list you made.
With love,
Kelley
