Will You Be Your Valentine?
Happy almost Valentine’s Day! This is a time when people start thinking about lavishing their loved ones, especially their significant others, with chocolates, roses, sentimental cards, and love songs. Although all of this talk about romance and relationships may sound ideal, recent research shows that the period between the December holidays and Valentine’s Day has actually become the National Break-up Season when people are more than twice as likely to think about breaking up than at any other time of the year. And it is in this time of New Year’s resolutions and people being introspective about how they want to live their life and with whom that nearly 4 out of 10 people reassess their dating and marital status!
So on this Valentine’s Day, whether “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling” or “All You Need Is Love,” may I suggest that if you truly “Want to Know What Love Is,” focus on “The Greatest Love of All” — self- love! As Debbie used to say, “Ultimately, it all comes back to self- love.” Most of us spend years or even a lifetime looking for love outside of ourselves. Our feelings of self-love are determined by our outer accomplishments, level of success, or ability to make others love and affirm us. Although all of the achievements and expressions of affection do feel good, they are illusory since whenever we are looking for others or anything in the external world to validate us or fill us up, then, we truly are “looking for love in all the wrong places!”
One of the reasons I love leading and being a part of The Shadow Process Workshop is because I get to witness people actually experience self-love — often for the first time in their adult lives. It is truly an incredible experience to watch people who walk in staring at the floor and looking tired, resigned, angry, hurt, or just plain lost walk out after three short days lit up and turned on about who they are and what is possible. What happens in three days that makes them open their hearts to self-love? Well, Debbie designed The Shadow Process to radically shift the way people view themselves, their past, and their future. It exposes how self-loathing, self-criticism, and self-sabotage are actually mechanisms to manage the unhealed pain and hurt of the past. People begin to see on a whole new level how they are the ones who have been inflicting the most amount of pain on themselves, truly limiting the amount of love and success they can receive. The Shadow Process gives people the experience of finding the blessings of the past, the gift in every experience, and the wisdom of their wounds. And they find these treasures not in their heads but in their hearts. They go from loving only parts of themselves at different times to loving all of themselves all the time. They can even see the perfection of their “imperfections”!
If on this Valentine’s Day you want to be your Valentine and open up to more self-love, start by looking at where you are not loving yourself. Begin to observe the thoughts you think and the internal dialogue you listen to. Notice the actions you take and your level of self-care and acknowledgement. You’ll see that every thought matters and every choice matters. They either lead you closer to self-love or further away from it. When you live a life where every thought and choice matters, you feel great about yourself. That leads to more self-love. The more self-love you have, the more you are going to care for yourself and make high level choices. And that will lead to even more self-love. It really is an exponential process that feeds on itself, has unlimited possibilities, and is certain to light you up from the inside out.
As Valentine’s Day quickly approaches, remember that the greatest gift you can give yourself and others is to love yourself completely. When you love yourself completely not only can you love others more but more importantly, you teach others how to love themselves more…And to me, that’s an even better than chocolate!
Transformational Action Steps
1. Start observing your internal dialogue, your thoughts, and your actions. Become aware about how self- loving they are or are not. How are they impacting your feelings of self-love?
2. When you catch yourself doing or thinking something that is not self-loving, close your eyes for just a moment and with a slow, nourishing breath, turn your attention back inside and ask yourself, “What can I do in this moment to bring more self-love into my life?” Maybe it’s going for a walk or making a list of ten reasons why you are utterly and completely fabulous. Perhaps it’s calling one of your favorite people in the world. (This is also a great ritual to do at the beginning of each day. Ask yourself what you can do today to bring more self-love into your life.)
3. Whatever it is, take that action.
4. Celebrate yourself on Valentine’s Day! Write yourself a love letter, cook your self a fabulous meal, buy your self some sexy lingerie, take a bubble bath…Do something to spoil yourself and make yourself feel totally and completely loved and lit up!
5. Come to the next Shadow Process Workshop. I guarantee you it will change your life. Click here for the details on how you can join us in the San Francisco Bay Area from April 4th to April 6th.
With love,
Kelley
