Unwrap the Gifts of Your Mother for Mother’s Day
The other night, Mary, a beautiful woman in her twenties who I met several years ago when she first attended The Shadow Process Workshop with her mother, texted me saying,
“My mother passed away suddenly last night. I was thinking about how much she changed since The Shadow Process.”
My heart ached for Mary and her family. I couldn’t imagine the pain and shock she was experiencing. My mother is my first phone call every morning and my three daughters and I are in a continual text thread every day. Not having heard from Mary in a while, I was extremely touched that in this moment of loss she had thought to reach out to me. I understood why, however, since I knew what her next text specifically spelled out:
“I think doing Debbie’s work really helped me appreciate my mother because I saw in her qualities that I wasn’t owning. My relationship with her improved drastically since that first Shadow Process.”
Mary’s message reminded me of Bette Schubert, an amazing Certified Integrative Coach and Integrative Leader who wrote a beautiful tribute to her mother and this work on Facebook. Bette’s post started off describing the “love/hate relationship” she has always had with her mother. She explained that she has done a lot of work on the issues that she has with her mother, but that this past November when she was doing a certain exercise at The Shadow Process, “something shifted.” She went on to explain that when she returned home:
“I started to no longer look at my mother as a burden. The 10 phone calls that I would get a day no longer bothered me, I took every one as if it was a new conversation. I was more involved with her health care. I sent her postcards and puzzles. I would go and see her just because…
In January there was a big snowstorm here and knowing that she loses power during storms I brought her to my house. She is 91 with alcohol dementia and osteoporosis, so this was not an easy task. I had never done this before. But I am so grateful that I did. We laughed, talked about her life, played games. I never knew that her favorite color is green. Over those two days I fell in love with her. I let go of all of my anger. I took back my power.
Today as I start the process of packing her up and moving her out of her home permanently, I am able to do it with love. I am able to see through her empty life that was void of laughter and love and have found pieces of her that I will cherish.
There are no words to describe how grateful I am for this work and this community. I am so grateful to all of you who have showed me what love really is. You have all showed me that it is possible to forgive and yes, to even love the unlovable.
From the bottom of my loving heart to yours, I thank you.”
I know that, for many of us, our relationships with our mothers can be complicated: painful and loving, close but distant, honest yet guarded, nurturing and totally depleting. I also know that every relationship, no matter how tumultuous, comes bearing gifts. I know that for me, when I have been in a place of blaming or resenting my mother, I have lost out on the tremendous benefits of her keen intuition, wisdom, and insights. As she gets older, I realize how precious every moment is. One of the many benefits of shadow work is that it dramatically shifts how you look at your relationships and the people in your life. So for this Mother’s Day, I want to invite you to look at your own mother through new eyes. What have you learned from your mother? Through “good” or “bad,” how did she contribute to making you the person you are today? Make this Mother’s Day a day to remember and unwrap the gifts of your mother!
Transformational Action Steps:
1. Take some time to journal about what have you learned from your mother and through “good” or “bad” how she contributed to making you the person you are today.
2. Make a list of 5 qualities that you admire in your mother and allow yourself to truly see how you are those qualities as well. How are you your mother’s child?
3. Come to The Shadow Process with your mother. Use the coupon code MOTHERSDAY to ensure you both receive the full $200 discount off the regular registration price. If your mother has passed, is unable to attend, or you just don’t have that type of relationship with her, but you want to honor the relationship, then use the same coupon code and get the same discount. Register here: http://www.thefordinstitute.com/shadowprocess
With love,
Kelley
