Knowing Your Priorities Informs Your Choices!
Last night one of my closest friends called together a tight-knit handful of women who she respects and trusts because she was feeling overwhelmed and wanted to learn from each of us “how we live our lives and find balance among all of the tasks and obligations on our to-do lists.” As each woman spoke it became apparent that two elements that are essential to creating balance are priorities and structure.
I remember when I was first divorced and trying to balance being a single mom, work, daily life, and establishing some sort of social life. I felt an inner conflict if I was on my way to a date or some social engagement and one of my daughters would call upset about something, I felt torn if I was scheduled to lead a class on a night one of my children had a school play or sporting event. I immediately came to the awareness that despite my belief that “I could or should be able do it all,” I could not. Further, my attempts to multi-task only diluted my showing up powerfully for any one thing. I also realized that unless I became clear on my priorities, I would always feel this churning inside of me. It took all of five seconds to recognize and declare that my three daughters were my number one priority. Taking the time to list out and rank my other top three to five priorities made my life incredibly easy. When we use our priorities as our true north and commit to making choices that are in alignment with our priorities, our decisions become clear, our actions flow easily, and all of the second-guessing and agitation vanish.
Structure is another key ingredient in creating a balanced life. As Debbie wrote in her book The Best Year of Your Life, “Although the concept of structures may seem mundane, boring, and even stifling, structures are actually exciting, because they help us accomplish what we say we want to do…A solid structure is what provides the tangible steps to lead us clearly and inevitably to the life of our dreams.” Creating realistic structures that help you manage your life, your time, and your actions, and also provide opportunities for down time, play time, and the day-to-day occurrences of life will not only turn your goals and dreams into reality but will also give you more balance. For me structure provides me with freedom and a sense of peace since my structures are in alignment with my priorities and provide me with what I need to feel good about myself and the life I am continually creating.
Finally since our work is based on the shadow and looking at what takes us away from what we say we want, if creating balance is your issue, you do need to look at what gets in the way of you manifesting it. For my friend, as I see with so many other people, her tendency to over-commit keeps her in a state of overwhelm. I actually became exhausted listening to the list of “active projects” that she had on her plate. Often our tendency to over-commit comes from a shadow. It comes from a need to prove that we are smart enough, worthy enough, successful enough, to please others or obtain validation and approval from the outside world. Yet the problem is our tendency to over-commit is actually a form of self-sabotage, because when we over-commit we generally never finish any one thing and then we get to feel inadequate, incapable or just plain bad about ourselves. Learning to say “no,” create boundaries, set priorities, focus on one thing at a time, having accountability, giving up the need to prove that you are superman or woman and creating solid structures, will support you in getting off the gerbil wheel and set you on the straight line to success and balance!
It turns out that for myself spending time with my closest friends and sharing as we did last night is one of my structures for success. It keeps me balanced and also provides for some of my best belly laughs! So although we all want to achieve our goals and contribute to the planet or the people we love, remember that having fun is critical to living a life you love!
Transformational Action Steps
1. Take some time to list out and rank your top five to ten priorities. Look at all the different areas of your life: family, relationship, work, children, exercise, or some particular project.
2. Identify five to ten structures that you could add to your life that would make it run more smoothly and support you in achieving your priorities. Think of things like doing all of your grocery shopping on Sunday, dedicating Thursday nights to extreme self-care, exercising daily or having dinner with a friend once a week.
3. Find some time for fun and relaxation.
4. Join us for Every Choice Matters and leap beyond your limits in every area of your life. Step into a proven structure to support you in exploring the choices you make that impact you creating balance and take you further away or closer to your priorities.
With love,
Kelley
